Plaggy Parenting

Alexander Graham Bell invented Wthe telephone, he probably had little idea of what he was unleashing on the unsuspecting human race. Of course, the telephone has been such a benefit that it’s almost an essential for most people these days and families with young children are no exception.

But apart from wrong numbers, breakdowns and crossed lines, the telephone can also be the instrument of more emotionally upsetting problems. Many women have been unfortunate enough to receive an obscene telephone call. Invariably it’s women who suffer from this sort ofthing from male callers. It’s very rare for women to make obscene ’phone calls to men, though homosexual and lesbian obscene ’phone calls are known to occur.

Men of any age
Men who make this sort of’phone call can be of any age, and they can range from teenagers to senior citizens. They might ’phone from home or from a public call box. They might choose a telephone number at random from a directory, hoping that whoever answers will be female. Sometimes, however, a man may know the woman he is ‘phoning either from work or socially. Teenagers sometimes ring one of their mother’s friends. And sometimes a man might ring up an organisation like the WRVS or another charity where he can be fairly sure that a woman will answer the phone. Obscene telephone calls are an unfortunate fact of life, but they can still be very upsetting. Here Dr Ivor Felstein explains why men make them and what you can do about it

It might seem obvious to say so, but the content of such a ’phone call is intended to
shock sexually, disturb and frighten the woman on the other end of the line. Very often a man will use the same technique on every obscene call he makes, and the types of call fall into distinct categories. There is the virtually silent type of call, which can be very frightening, and there is also the “heavy breathing” type. This is the one most people think of as the “classic” obscene ’phone call. In fact, it’s almost a standard joke these days -— and perhaps that’s some indication of how widespread this sort of thing is. Another type is the very offensive “talking” call, where the man repeats sexual words or phrases in very coarse language, often verbally fantasising about what he’d like to do to the woman who’s listening. The language is often exceptionally crude. Why do men do it? Men who make these calls can be either married or single. Sometimes it appears that the first call follows some sort ofsexual upset in a marriage, or girlfriend and relationship problems if the man is single. Teenagers who are having problems at home sometimes make obscene ’phone calls, and one reason that has been suggested in these cases is that they start as some form of“taking revenge” on women in general. Some men are shy or unable to talk to women openly or feel sexually inadequate, and some behave in this way when drunk or under the influence of drugs.

One other psychological explanation for this sort of behaviour compares it with men who indecently expose themselves to women or girls. This produces sexual arousal while avoiding any sexual contact or intercourse. This theory is backed up by other evidence. It appears that a man who makes an obscene ’phone call is out to get a sexual thrill without having to meet the woman face to face, and without having to make physical contact. He wants to be thrilled while maintaining a “safe” distance. If a man does get this sort of sexual stimulation from a call, by talking about the woman’s body or her underwear or whatever, he may become very excited and masturbate. He may even describe this to the woman while he’s doing it. But one good thing about the reasons behind the whole thing is that the man wants to keep his distance. Whatever he may say about visiting the woman, and however crude, unpleasant or distasteful his expressed desires and fantasies sound, men who make this sort of call rarely if ever do it as a prelude to an actual physical assault. The seriousness of the problem therefore
doesn’t lie in the possibility ofa rape, but in two other things. First, a woman can be quite rightly upset or frightened by such a call, and second, another member of the family perhaps a young daughter might be the person to receive one. What should you do?

The first thing you should do is report such a call to the police every time it happens. You can be sure that the police want to help and it is theirjob to do so. You should give them the chance ofdoing something about it, however unpleasant it might be for you to mention the subject to anyone else, particularly a man. But what should you do at the time of the call? Suggestions’ vary, from immediately slamming down the phone, to swearing or shouting, to blowing a loud whistle (which you might keep handy) into the phone, to even “playing up” to him in the hope that he might get it all over with quickly. However, these responses do tend to make the caller think that he’s shocked or upset you, and may go some way to encouraging him to try again. It seems more helpful to keep yourselfcool and calm and your voice cold and indifferent. You can say something like, “Please keep talking, so that BT or your phone provider can trace your call”; or “You’re a sick man, please go to your doctor so that he can help you”. This type of response removes the point of the call for the man, who wants to get some sort of positive reaction of shock or upset from you. And incidentally, he can be helped if he does seek advice. P, If the calls go on, report the matter to you telephone supplier who put you through as well as to the police. If it’s necessary, the telephone service provider can the monitor your calls or give you a new line and number, or even make you ex-directory. And finally, if one of your children do answer such a call, don’t over-react. If your child is upset, explain as best you can that the man is ill, doesn’t realise it and needs help and also that if it happens again the ’phone should be put down immediately and thal you should be told. If it happens and youi child is just curious, explain the problem it the same way. And here’s hoping thati doesn’t happen to you!

(more…)

Alexander Graham Bell invented Wthe telephone, he probably had little idea of what he was unleashing on the unsuspecting human race. Of course, the telephone has been such a benefit that it’s almost an essential for most people these days and families with young children are no exception.

But apart from wrong numbers, breakdowns and crossed lines, the telephone can also be the instrument of more emotionally upsetting problems. Many women have been unfortunate enough to receive an obscene telephone call. Invariably it’s women who suffer from this sort ofthing from male callers. It’s very rare for women to make obscene ’phone calls to men, though homosexual and lesbian obscene ’phone calls are known to occur.

Men of any age
Men who make this sort of’phone call can be of any age, and they can range from teenagers to senior citizens. They might ’phone from home or from a public call box. They might choose a telephone number at random from a directory, hoping that whoever answers will be female. Sometimes, however, a man may know the woman he is ‘phoning either from work or socially. Teenagers sometimes ring one of their mother’s friends. And sometimes a man might ring up an organisation like the WRVS or another charity where he can be fairly sure that a woman will answer the phone. Obscene telephone calls are an unfortunate fact of life, but they can still be very upsetting. Here Dr Ivor Felstein explains why men make them and what you can do about it

It might seem obvious to say so, but the content of such a ’phone call is intended to
shock sexually, disturb and frighten the woman on the other end of the line. Very often a man will use the same technique on every obscene call he makes, and the types of call fall into distinct categories. There is the virtually silent type of call, which can be very frightening, and there is also the “heavy breathing” type. This is the one most people think of as the “classic” obscene ’phone call. In fact, it’s almost a standard joke these days -— and perhaps that’s some indication of how widespread this sort of thing is. Another type is the very offensive “talking” call, where the man repeats sexual words or phrases in very coarse language, often verbally fantasising about what he’d like to do to the woman who’s listening. The language is often exceptionally crude. Why do men do it? Men who make these calls can be either married or single. Sometimes it appears that the first call follows some sort ofsexual upset in a marriage, or girlfriend and relationship problems if the man is single. Teenagers who are having problems at home sometimes make obscene ’phone calls, and one reason that has been suggested in these cases is that they start as some form of“taking revenge” on women in general. Some men are shy or unable to talk to women openly or feel sexually inadequate, and some behave in this way when drunk or under the influence of drugs.

One other psychological explanation for this sort of behaviour compares it with men who indecently expose themselves to women or girls. This produces sexual arousal while avoiding any sexual contact or intercourse. This theory is backed up by other evidence. It appears that a man who makes an obscene ’phone call is out to get a sexual thrill without having to meet the woman face to face, and without having to make physical contact. He wants to be thrilled while maintaining a “safe” distance. If a man does get this sort of sexual stimulation from a call, by talking about the woman’s body or her underwear or whatever, he may become very excited and masturbate. He may even describe this to the woman while he’s doing it. But one good thing about the reasons behind the whole thing is that the man wants to keep his distance. Whatever he may say about visiting the woman, and however crude, unpleasant or distasteful his expressed desires and fantasies sound, men who make this sort of call rarely if ever do it as a prelude to an actual physical assault. The seriousness of the problem therefore
doesn’t lie in the possibility ofa rape, but in two other things. First, a woman can be quite rightly upset or frightened by such a call, and second, another member of the family perhaps a young daughter might be the person to receive one. What should you do?

The first thing you should do is report such a call to the police every time it happens. You can be sure that the police want to help and it is theirjob to do so. You should give them the chance ofdoing something about it, however unpleasant it might be for you to mention the subject to anyone else, particularly a man. But what should you do at the time of the call? Suggestions’ vary, from immediately slamming down the phone, to swearing or shouting, to blowing a loud whistle (which you might keep handy) into the phone, to even “playing up” to him in the hope that he might get it all over with quickly. However, these responses do tend to make the caller think that he’s shocked or upset you, and may go some way to encouraging him to try again. It seems more helpful to keep yourselfcool and calm and your voice cold and indifferent. You can say something like, “Please keep talking, so that BT or your phone provider can trace your call”; or “You’re a sick man, please go to your doctor so that he can help you”. This type of response removes the point of the call for the man, who wants to get some sort of positive reaction of shock or upset from you. And incidentally, he can be helped if he does seek advice. P, If the calls go on, report the matter to you telephone supplier who put you through as well as to the police. If it’s necessary, the telephone service provider can the monitor your calls or give you a new line and number, or even make you ex-directory. And finally, if one of your children do answer such a call, don’t over-react. If your child is upset, explain as best you can that the man is ill, doesn’t realise it and needs help and also that if it happens again the ’phone should be put down immediately and thal you should be told. If it happens and youi child is just curious, explain the problem it the same way. And here’s hoping thati doesn’t happen to you!

(more…)